ROLLER COASTER PART ONE: DOWN
I am so hungry.
Craving. Craving. Craving.
Hungry and not able to be filled up.
Not even picky. A food whore.
Late last night I ate a half of a jar of peanut butter. With a fucking spoon. Oreos. Pretzels. Then two flour tortillas. Microwaved. Doughy and plain. Just eating. Stuffing my face. Filling.
I think this is bigger. Hungry for more. Hungry for adventure. Hungry for change. Connection. Purpose. Danger. Hungry to be more awake and more alive. More. Hungry. Restless. hungry. Craving.
Expanding. Bloated. Needing to claw my way of my skin.
But until I can get some control, then i cannot be ready for the things that will truly fill me up. Things that might finally nourish me.
Fucking lizard brain.
I want more. And cookies are no longer going to satisfy.
ROLLER COASTER PART TWO: UP AGAIN
Today I Danced Naked
I have not been dancing enough lately.
Health. Stress. Busyness.
But I am on vacation. Relaxing,
Bound and determined to not get stressed. To not feel judgement. To not strain myself in any way.
To know that I am cared for and loved.
To love myself.
Reading. Writing. Meditating. And listening to more music.
And this morning….
I was getting ready for my shower. And listening to Broadway show tunes…. And right there…. In the bathroom…. In front of the mirror…. NAKED….. I started dancing!!
Dancing naked. In front of a mirror. A huge smile on my face! Wide hips swaying the beat. Couldn’t see my feet thanks to my round belly. Breasts keeping their own Time.
Now there’s a girl at peace with herself. And her life. A lucky girl who knows she is blessed. Who knows that every cell in her body is magic. Who feels it in her soul. Who feels it in the rocking and swaying in the rolls of her her flesh.
And all that came bubbling to the surface.
And I danced.
Hungry craving
Dancing naked
Hungry dancing
Hungry
Dancing
REPEAT AND REPEAT AND REPEAT
Quiet Happy Wonder 